I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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