I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
