I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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