you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
