SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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