Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Well I just put wine in my tea
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
