i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
