last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
