The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
