I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I want her autograph on my taint
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
