so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
