one might say we're banned from that church
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
