I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
