I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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