opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
