I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
