now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
