dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
