Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
