i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
