listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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