why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
