Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
cat food counts as protein by the way
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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