Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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