too bad you live with your parents still
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
