I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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