I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
