So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
