the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
