love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
