White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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