Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
