He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
