***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
