mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
