Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
