...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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