Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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