Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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