Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
