do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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