I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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