i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
