That's intense
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
