Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
