If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
