You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
