What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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