You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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