he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
