im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
