left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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