I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
