You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
